The Field Day from Hell
by frostyfreezyfreeze54
Summary: After a disappointing field day at iCarly Elementary School, Sparky and Buster decide to create their own. It ends up becoming a 10-man battle for group supremacy.
1. The Field Day from Hell Script

_Thank You, Heavenly_

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 3

EPISODE 9

Airdate: December 12, 2014

Title: The Field Day from Hell

Segway Segment: None

Satire/Social Commentary: None

Special Guest Stars: Michael Cole as Himself, John "Bradshaw" Layfield as Himself, Jerry "The King" Lawler as Himself, Kira Kosarin as Lynne, Justin Roberts as Himself, Jim Ross as Himself

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Roof

Seattle, Washington

(At night, a beat-up and worn out Sparky is staring up at the stars on his roof, then at the wreckage that is now his backyard. Halley comes up on the roof to join him by entering through the attic.)

HALLEY: Penny for your thoughts?

SPARKY: What?

HALLEY: I don't know. Sparky, are you going to be OK? I really hate seeing you like this.

SPARKY: How did this day go so wrong so fast, Halley? I just wanted everybody to have fun.

HALLEY: And they did. You know how people are, they do and say things out of spite. Besides, you couldn't control what happened.

SPARKY: I guess. But everything made a lot more sense eight days ago.

SCENE 2

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Interior Big Tree

Seattle, Washington

EIGHT DAYS AGO

("Live at the Barbeque" by Main Source featuring Nas, Joe Fatal, and Akinyele playing in the background)

It's once again time for iCarly Elementary School's annual Field Day. Once a year, the fourth and fifth graders take the day off school and head to the park to play organized games, get slushies from the food cart, and just kick back. Kids are seen running around having fun all over the place.

SPARKY: Oh man, I can't wait! I love Field Day!

RK: Me too. It's the one day a year all the girls can see my guns and get pissed over what they can't have.

JAYLYNN: Can't have or don't want?

RK: I'm sorry, Jaylynn, I thought I saw your girlfriend but I guess she'll never come.

JAYLYNN: Bitch.

WADE: Guys, take a stimulant and unwind. That's exactly what I intend to do.

BUSTER: But I thought we were doing the three-legged race together!

WADE: Sorry Buster, but my hands are tied. I love school and schoolwork, but sometimes some much-needed relaxation is a good thing.

BUSTER: Yeah? And you know how you can really relax? By helping us win first place!

WADE: Buster, winning isn't always the most important thing. Besides, Sparky can be your partner.

BUSTER: Of course I thought of that. (The camera does a close-up of Buster whispering to Wade) But between you and me, Sparky is terrible in three-legged races. It's like his one leg is cross-eyed and blind out its mind or something.

SPARKY: Buster...

(The camera pulls back to reveal a bored Sparky standing next to Buster)

SPARKY: You just whispered all of that to me.

BUSTER: Happy birthday!

SPARKY: Look, if you think I can't swing with the big boys, you're dead wrong. I am the king at anything you put in front of me, and I'll prove it. We're partners.

BUSTER: (Bleep)!

SCENE 3

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Interior Sack Race Station

Seattle, Washington

("Live at the Barbeque" is used as transition music for each scene. RK is going up against Travis, Gilcania, and Will.)

RK: Oh yeah, I'm going to smoke these bastards. I'm going to be like, "BUCK BUCK, GET WITH MY GLOCK, PUNKS!" And then they're going to be like, "Ay papi, RK a big man, he keeping it real with his Glocky." And then I'm going to be like, "You just got sacked. Potato style, word to the spuds." And then they'll be like, "Oh snap, I love the way you do it, RK."

TRAVIS: RK, who are you talking to?

RK: Um...my imaginary friend...Funnie. He likes it when I talk like Roger from _Doug. _(imitating Roger Klotz) Hey Funnie!

(Travis looks slightly disturbed)

TRAVIS: Um, OK. My imaginary friend is a murderer.

RK: Yeah, I bet he is. Alright, it's game time, let's do this thing.

(Mr. Ussery, the fourth grade social studies assistant teacher, hands all four kids sacks. RK looks a little confused.)

RK: Wait a minute, these aren't potato sacks. They don't feel the same way.

MR. USSERY: Yeah, sorry buddy. We had to do budget cuts.

RK: Budget cuts? Oh, that's just a load of...

(Mr. Ussery fires off the starting gun and everybody starts racing. RK attempts to, but he lands on his shoes while in the sack and falls on his knees down a large hill. Will and Travis are neck and neck, but Will leaps towards the finish line and runs the last inch to fend off Travis' aggressive play, winning the race. The camera shows RK wallowing in pain.)

RK: I hate my (bleep)ing LIFE! Ow.

SCENE 4

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Interior Egg Race Station

Seattle, Washington

Wade was forced to compete by the school against Jaylynn, Ashley, and Sanna.

WADE: Crap, what if I don't stack up to the clearly superior competition?

(Wade sees Ashley hopping around, Sanna on her phone and Jaylynn talking to Gilcania and Yomaris.)

WADE: Oh, these clowns are mine.

COACH KNIESTE: OK, let's go!

(Coach K. fires off the starting gun and Wade gets a head start because everybody else was noticeably distracted. Despite having to balance an egg while moving, Wade is actually quite fast and makes it to the finish line after 33 seconds. He celebrates and the egg falls on the ground. What comes out is a baby chick.)

WADE: The hell? Coach K., what is the meaning of putting an innocent creature like this in organized competition?

COACH KNIESTE: Yeah, we needed to think crafty since the fifth graders got their eggs before we did, so we had to get chicken eggs. Kinda sweet, right?

WADE: No, it's not. This is incredibly dangerous and these chicks are at serious risk for being steamrolled.

(long pause)

COACH KNIESTE: I mean, you can't blame me. The school gave me clear instructions on what to get.

WADE: Ugh. This is an even stupider moment than the time RK filled out that job application.

CUTAWAY GAG

(RK is at an office wearing street clothes and staring at an executive.)

EXECUTIVE: So it says here on your resume that you spent five years working as a stripper?

RK: Um, yes sir. Yes I have.

EXECUTIVE: And apparently you are a Pacific Islander born on December 18, 1972?

RK: Yeah, of course.

EXECUTIVE: But, Mr. Jennings, you don't look like any of those things.

RK: So? You don't always get what you look like.

EXECUTIVE: OK, but...

RK: Hey, shut up, stop asking me shit like you're really going to hire me.

(The executive looks disgusted)

END OF CUTAWAY

SCENE 5

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Interior Slushy Station

Seattle, Washington

RK is walking slowly after the sack race incident while Jaylynn looks around, not exactly knowing what she's doing. They're both headed towards the concession stand for a slushy.

RK: Ow, my knees. Jaylynn, my knees are in pain. Did you see my knees? Jaylynn!

JAYLYNN: RK, I saw your knees nine times and I gave them six kisses to make them better. I don't know what else you want.

RK: Nothing else. I'm just saying, this whole day has been a disaster. The badminton rackets are almost all broken, the basketball and tennis courts are too wet for anyone to play on, and my knees are killing me. We're all being carelessly tortured, but at least when Cosby did it, he had the money.

JAYLYNN: What I don't understand is why we're having Field Day in December right before the holidays. In Portland, we almost always had it right before the last day of school.

RK: Because we're not in Portland anymore, Jaylynn. This is Seattle where the real players play. You've been dancing with second-rate punks your whole life and look where it's gotten you. I'm telling you, Jay, sometimes you whine about the simplest things. One cherry slushy, my good man.

JAYLYNN: One Firecracker slushy, please.

SLUSHY VENDOR: Alright, 85 cents each.

JAYLYNN: OK, let me just get...

RK: Wait, hang on a second. Did you just say slushies are 85 cents?

SLUSHY VENDOR: Yeah.

RK: The (bleep) you mean, 85 cents?!

JAYLYNN: RK, the irony here is really making me laugh.

RK: Jaylynn, you don't get it. Last year, slushies were 75 cents. They raised the prices, bro!

JAYLYNN: Bruh, it's just ten cents. Do you have to complain about everything?

RK: I do, because if I don't, it will come off as OOC. Listen buddy, I know you look at New York City and want to be just like them with their tax inflation but I'm not paying this. You better recognize that shit ASAP.

SLUSHY VENDOR: Whatever, man.

RK: Recognize it, ASAP. ACEEEEEEE MOTHER(BLEEP)ING SAP!

JAYLYNN: Can we please leave, Bloody Loco?

RK: I don't want to leave, I'm going to beat the hell out of this guy for his awful prices. I'm going to take my foot and kick you in your decrepit, hairy balls while you smile at me, you stupid man. You're stupid. You're a stupid man and you do stupid things, you grotesque cancer of imagination!

ASHLEY: Guys, can I please buy my slushies?

RK: Shut up, Asil, I'm ranting!

ASHLEY: My name's not Asil and don't tell me to shut up because you know who you're talking to!

JAYLYNN: Ashley, let's just leave crazy boy alone and go somewhere else, there are a couple slushy stands here.

ASHLEY: Yeah, but I'm already here.

JAYLYNN: OK, I'll take crazy boy. Come on, spaz, let's go.

RK: I'M GOING TO (BLEEP) YOU UP! I'M GOING TO TELL YOUR PARENTS I WHOOPED THEIR SON'S ASS! SELL ME A FRUITY, DELICIOUS 75-CENT TREAT AND BE DONE! MATTER OF FACT, YOU BETTER ME SELL A 65-CENT ONE, YOU PALE-SKINNED CRAPSACK!

(Jaylynn pinches RK in the nerve and carries him away)

SCENE 6

Ken Griffey Jr. Park

Interior Exit

Seattle, Washington

BUSTER: That Field Day was terrible.

SPARKY: You're telling me. Did you feel that rope during the three-legged race? It's like it was made out of talc or something.

BUSTER: I know, right?! And half the time, we weren't even doing anything. Just walking around talking about what we just talked about the day before, it's stupid!

WADE: I can't believe they forced me to compete and nearly harm an innocent creature like that.

JAYLYNN: Wade, it was a mistake on their part. I'm pretty sure the whole chick thing was just an oversight.

WADE: But still, how could they do that? The Five-Percenters wouldn't stand for this.

JAYLYNN: Wait a second. You're still with the Five Percenters? I can't even remember the last time you practiced that religion.

WADE: I'm not, that was just a knee-jerk thing.

SPARKY: RK, you're awfully quiet. Is something wrong?

JAYLYNN: He's disappointed in Field Day more than any of us...for stupid, petty reasons.

(with a deep voice) RK: Jaylynn, I'm going to murder you in cold blood if you don't shut up right now, I'm not in the mood to play around.

(Everybody is disturbed by RK's comment)

RK: (sighs) What am I doing? I'm sorry, guys for acting like such a jerkass today. It's just that I was really excited for Field Day and something had to come along and ruin all of that. Everything felt like nobody wanted to plan.

SPARKY: Amen.

BUSTER: I'll drink to that.

RK: Jaylynn, do you still love me? I know I've been meaner to you than usual.

JAYLYNN: Of course I do. But you really need to calm down sometimes, not everything is as big a deal as you think it is.

RK: I know, Jaylynn. That's why I need to tell you something else.

JAYLYNN: What?

RK: Those pills that Asil took...they were from my locker.

JAYLYNN: Get over here and give me some love.

(RK and Jaylynn hug)

JAYLYNN: Because the next time you act like that, I'm going to make sure you never do it again. (Jaylynn starts chuckling in an evil way and RK actually looks bothered by it)

SCENE 7

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

("Teacher" by Nick Jonas playing on Sparky's iPod. Sparky and Buster are just relaxing on their opposite recliners.)

SPARKY: Buster?

BUSTER: Yeah, Dr. Moschino?

SPARKY: I can't stop thinking about Field Day.

BUSTER: You too? Me either. And Wade said that I should just forget about it, but I can't. Kids get cheated and ripped off all the time. What, I'm just supposed to look the other way because I'm some stupid kid?

SPARKY: Exactly. We can do something about this.

BUSTER: Yeah, something totally awesome that the kids won't expect.

SPARKY: Like our own Field Day!

BUSTER: Wait, what?

SPARKY: You didn't have the same idea?

BUSTER: No, I was just thinking we give the kids beer money and take 'em to the bar where they can just lose it, but your idea is onto something. I'm friends with your idea now.

SPARKY: It can be next week and we can plan the events ourselves.

BUSTER: Yeah!

SPARKY: And they could be even sicker events!

BUSTER: Yeah.

SPARKY: And we could get all of our friends.

BUSTER: Oh, your idea and I aren't on the same page now.

SPARKY: Why not?

BUSTER: Because you and I both know that our friends are no match for OUR games.

SPARKY: Well, they can always be trained. And anyway, there's nothing wrong with a couple filler spots.

BUSTER: Yeah, I guess you're right. But still, there's a lot to do so we can't...

(There's knocking on the door and Sparky goes to get it. It's Mookie, the pizza delivery boy from "Slice of Fantastica (Part II).")

MOOKIE: Hi, my name is Mookie. You want a slice of pizza?

(Sparky, without saying a word, slams the door in his face)

SCENE 8

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: So we could get as many kids as we can to take part in the events.

WADE: What kind of events?

SPARKY: War Games.

RK: Wait a minute, War Games is making a comeback?

SPARKY: You know it.

JAYLYNN: What's War Games?

RK: It's the sickest competition in the world. We played it all the time in third grade. Tug of war, manhunt, junkyard brawl. The best part is, it was all inspired by WWE.

SPARKY: And we never even got a chance to do it again until right now.

BUSTER: We don't know how many people are going to do it, but we're hoping for ten. That way, we can have a 5-on-5 battle royal.

JAYLYNN: Hey, I can just get the girls to take part.

(Sparky, Buster, and RK all start cackling like hyenas)

RK: Jaylynn, stop it, stop it, you're gonna make me go home and put on new PANTS! (RK falls off of his chair and continues laughing, even after Sparky and Buster had already stopped.)

SPARKY: OK, RK, that's enough.

(RK continues laughing, much to the boredom of everyone else)

BUSTER: RK, cut it out, we're done.

(RK cannot stop cackling)

SPARKY AND BUSTER: RYAN!

(RK stops laughing at that point and just has a stern look on his face)

RK: Jaylynn, that's actually pretty funny, what you just said. Wait a minute, who the hell just called me Ryan?

JAYLYNN: Hey, have you forgotten that I'm battle-tested? Whatever gamed you have planned, I can go through them without a sweat.

BUSTER: Yeah, but what about the other girls?

JAYLYNN: I don't know. They're decent, I guess.

RK: Dude, you have Halley and Ashley in your group. Dead on arrival.

SPARKY: Even without them, Asil and Gilcania aren't that good. Look, Jaylynn, join our team and we'll find some real competition to go up against.

JAYLYNN: Oh no, Sparky. You forced your hand. It's official. Consider War Games group vs. group. Testicular Sound Express against Masters of the Universe.

WADE: Wait a minute. That leaves us terribly short-handed, who's going to be our fifth guy?

RK: Well, KG sure loved playing War Games when he was our age. I could ask him, but I don't think he...

(KG opens the front door at that moment)

KG: I smelled War Games from miles away. I'm in. Who are the losers we're going up against?

BUSTER: Masters of the Universe.

(KG just has an open-mouthed smirk)

KG: God save you and your team, Jaylynn. (KG cackles like RK and leaves)

JAYLYNN: I'm going to show you bastards that my group is better. Every single one of you!

(from outside) KG: HAH!

SCENE 9

The Huie Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Jaylynn has called all of the Masters of the Universe in her house)

JAYLYNN: Alright, Apathy Coalition, you know...

ASHLEY: Jaylynn, we're not using that name, we told you already.

(Jaylynn sighs and pinches her nose)

JAYLYNN: Ashley, this is very serious, we don't have time for a stupid gag like that.

ASHLEY: It wasn't supposed to be a gag or stupid, but if you think that, then whatever.

GILCANIA: It's like every time I come here, someone's hating on somebody.

(nervous) JAYLYNN: Wait, who are you?

GILCANIA: I'm Gilcy, boo-boo, we just talked yesterday.

JAYLYNN: Oh, I'm sorry, when you just talked, I had a heart attack. Anyway, girls, do you know what War Games are?

(crickets chirping)

JAYLYNN: Alright, this is going to be hard.

HALLEY: Cut to the chase, Jay. What are we doing here, we don't usually meet today.

JAYLYNN: The guys are planning their own Field Day because the one at our school was crap. You guys agree with that?

HALLEY: Oh, hell yeah.

GILCANIA: It was lame.

ASHLEY: Yeah, and so disorganized.

ASIL: I notice nobody has said anything to me since I came here.

JAYLYNN: Oh, Asil, that's because you don't go to our school so it's a little awkward.

ASIL: So when do I get any lines?

JAYLYNN: Right now, actually. Next week, the guys have this field day planned called War Games. There's a whole bunch of events inspired by WWE and they don't think we can do it.

HALLEY: You signed us up for this without telling us?

JAYLYNN: Halley, you can't just throw something like that around without proof.

HALLEY: But you just said...

(Jaylynn makes a weird grunting sound to interrupt Halley)

HALLEY: Jaylynn, you just said...

(Jaylynn grunts again)

HALLEY: Forget it.

(Jaylynn grunts a third time)

JAYLYNN: Oh sorry, you gave up.

ASIL: They think just because we're girls, we can't play?

JAYLYNN: Exactly. Which is why we need to show them that these War Games are nothing more than baby games.

GILCANIA: But how can we do that? It's not like we can ambush them or anything.

JAYLYNN: Just leave that up to me.

ASHLEY: Wait a minute. We're going to hit the guys?

JAYLYNN: Probably. I mean, this is all about wrestling.

ASHLEY: But hitting people gives me a rash.

JAYLYNN: Ashley, did you remember to pack your rash cream when you came over?

ASHLEY: No.

JAYLYNN: Then go get your rash cream and come back here because this is not a joke.

ASHLEY: OK, Mommy.

(Ashley goes home to get her rash cream)

JAYLYNN: Yeah, so anyway, leave that up to me. Oh, and we're going to need to wear these. (Jaylynn holds up a Nexus T-shirt)

SCENE 10

The Newman Condominium

Interior Bedroom

Seattle, Washington

(Buster wakes up in the middle of the night with his eyes squinted, and from his perspective, he sees people circling his bed. It's the Masters of the Universe dressed like the Nexus, but Buster doesn't know yet.)

BUSTER: What the hell? Japanese zombies are only supposed to be in my dreams, not in real life!

(Buster rubs his eyes and sees the Masters of the Universe)

BUSTER: HOLY SHIT, IT'S NEXUS GIRLS!

("We Are One" by 12 Stones playing in the background)

Buster is shown being brutally assaulted by the Masters of the Universe, along with Wade, RK, and eventually Sparky. Highlights include Buster being tossed down the stairs by Asil, Wade being rammed multiple times into the wall by Halley and Gilcania, RK being licked on the cheek by Ashley which the other girls shake their heads at, and Sparky trying to escape through the doggie door but being pulled back in by Jaylynn. She then hugs him and says, "I'm sorry, but I have to put you down" and gives him an STO on the kitchen floor. Halley yells at Jaylynn not to kill her boyfriend and she says it's fine. KG tries to intervene and defend RK from Halley, but the other girls assault him like feral dogs in the kitchen. Every beatdown ends with the members of TSE clotheslined by Gilcania, hit with Wasteland by Jaylynn through their coffee table, and given a 450° splash by Asil. The Masters raise each other's hands in celebration.

SCENE 11

iCarly Elementary School

Interior Lunchroom

Seattle, Washington

(The four boys are all confused after the events of the night before)

SPARKY: What in the name of Al Sharpton happened last night?

RK: They beat us, that's what happened. They finished us off.

WADE: No way they could have. Girls are physically inferior to boys. The likelihood of them performing this series of assaults was only possible because of their synergy and the numbers game.

SPARKY: Wait a minute. Wade's right. The only reason they took us out so easily was because of the gang mentality. You cut the head off the dog, the dog dies.

BUSTER: What are you talking about?

SPARKY: Don't you see? They had safety in numbers and we didn't. Look, War Games is in six days and they just THINK they're going to beat us because now they're ready and all that. But without Jaylynn, they have no leadership and they're toast.

WADE: You really want to win War Games without their team at full strength?

SPARKY: Originally, no, but they touched us before the big game. They obviously don't want us at full strength, so we have to turn the tables.

RK: So tonight, we assault Jaylynn.

SPARKY: Exactly.

TRAVIS: Hey, did you guys do the homework last night? I thought it was easy.

WADE: Look at this goofball asking about homework when we're at **WAR!**

SCENE 12

The Huie Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky and Jaylynn are both standing up in the middle of the room)

SPARKY: I just want to thank you for beating us last night.

JAYLYNN: Really?

SPARKY: Yes sir. It really motivated us. Motivated us to let you know that there's no way in Hell you girls will be able to do it again. Especially since War Games is not for the weak.

JAYLYNN: I don't think you understand how warfare works. We key your car, you key ours. You can't just let us off with a warning.

SPARKY: I'm so glad you feel that way, Jaylynn. Because you can't just underestimate Testicular Sound Express. Only one group can always win.

("Special Op" by Jim Johnston playing in the background)

The other members of Team TSE arrive on the scene dressed like The Shield. RK's hair is noticeably slicked back and wet like Roman Reigns as he comes from upstairs. KG walks through the front door, Buster pops out from behind the TV, and the refrigerator door is opened to reveal a stone-faced Wade with a Shield face mask. Sparky takes off his yellow button-down shirt to reveal a Shield "Hounds of Justice" T-shirt. Jaylynn is nervous at the fact that she's now the one surrounded.

SPARKY: Say your prayers, Ms. Barrett.

(Jaylynn ducks a punch from RK and kicks him in the midsection but she has no time to do anything else because the rest of TSE take her down with ease. Buster repeatedly stomps her head while Wade locks her in the Walls of Jericho.

MICHAEL COLE: And here's TSE going to work on Jaylynn! No place to go as they start hammering away. Shades of last night as the boys turn the tables.

JBL: Look at this sickening assault here. What is this?

MICHAEL COLE: John, are you serious? TSE is playing equalizer here. Remember what Jaylynn said about warfare: What we do to you, you do to us.

KING: Jaylynn should know that old saying: Keep your words soft and sweet, you might have to eat 'em!

("We Are One" by 12 Stones playing in the background)

At that point, the Masters of the Nexus arrive before TSE can finish off Jaylynn.

MICHAEL COLE: And look it...it's the Masters of the Universe rushing to Jaylynn's aid, and now here's the brawl! This has been building up since last night! No holds barred, no rules, a harbinger of things to come in six days at TLC: Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and Stairs!

KING: Cole, this is War Games, not TLC.

MICHAEL COLE: Come on, King, you know why I said that.

The scene ends with no group having the upper hand, just an out-of-control brawl between the two.

SCENE 13

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SIX DAYS LATER - FIELD DAY

(Team Testicular Shield Express is waiting for the Masters of the Nexus to arrive, planning strategy. In tribute to The Shield, the camera angles are shaky as if everything is being recorded by someone with a camcorder.)

SPARKY: Gentlemen, this is the biggest day of our lives. This will determine your present, your futures. It will make your pasts important or irrelevant. The time is now to stand up to the girls and say that you can't swing with us. The time is now to take back what's ours. Gentlemen, it's our time. We're going to win and nobody will ever tell us we failed to defend our turf.

RK: Sparky?

SPARKY: Yes, Jennings?

RK: You don't think this is going to be the end, do you?

SPARKY: Definitely not. This is all about respect. We cannot let our emotions get the better of us. Today, they are our competitors. But tomorrow and every day for the rest of our lives, they are our friends. We can never forget that, no matter what happens today.

KG: This whole battling thing is getting me hot.

(Everyone just stares at KG)

KG: What? You don't feel it too? Because I do.

SCENE 14

The Mousa Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Asil is making sure her yellow hijab is on straight as she walks out to meet the girls in their Nexus van.

LYNNE: Are you sure you're going to be OK?

ASIL: Of course I am. We've all been getting special training to help us feel less pain than we actually could. I don't know, I think Wade invented it.

LYNNE: Boy, your friends are something else. Can I at least come with you and watch?

ASIL: Sorry, they said they don't want any press, spectators, or extras. But you could watch it on TV.

LYNNE: But how?

ASIL: There are going to be cameras there broadcasting the events to a public access network. And because it's public access, nobody really cares about the content. Just watch it on the Christian Science Fiction Network.

LYNNE: But...

ASIL: Lynne, I have a 10-man Field Day to attend, this is important!

LYNNE: I'm starting to think it's not that important.

SCENE 15

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Wade looks out the window, waiting for the Masters of the Nexus to arrive)

WADE: Black van with a yellow stripe at 12:45 Pacific Standard Time.

SPARKY: Alright, TSE, prepare for any sudden moves. They might want to get this party started early.

BUSTER: YES, LET'S DO THIS! LET'S DO IT! LET'S GAR BA FAR DAR HARRRRRRRR!

RK: The (bleep) did you put in your cereal this morning?

(Jaylynn walks out of the van wearing sunglasses, a gold trenchcoat and a Tom Landry-style hat. She walks towards the house with the rest of the girls.)

ASHLEY: Jaylynn, why are you wearing that?

JAYLYNN: Because I look cool, Ashley. Geez, support my fashion choices for once.

(The girls walk into the house and stare down the boys. Jaylynn slowly takes off her coat and sunglasses while removing her Landry hat and putting on a Nexus skullcap)

SPARKY: Why do you wear your cap like that, Barrett?

JAYLYNN: Because I like to look like a punk, Ambrose. You want to talk or do you want to get to stepping?

SPARKY: Oh, I'm ready to get to stepping. Are your girls ready to get to stepping?

HALLEY: Oh, we're ready to step. And maybe I'm ready to spend the rest of the day with you.

SPARKY: Oh yeah. Maybe I'm ready to mix my Shield with your Nexus and make a Wyatt Family, you know?

HALLEY: Oh, I know.

ASIL: Ewwww.

RK: LET'S DO THIS!

(The two teams walk inside and see a wrestling ring in the middle of the yard, along with an HD set which resembles the current set used by WWE for their shows)

ASHLEY: Whoa, you guys built this? What leads to that set?

SPARKY: Oh, just an underground locker room in the basement.

GILCANIA: Man, I have to give you honies credit. This looks beautiful.

SPARKY: Oh yeah. But now it's time for war. And from this point forward, we're enemies.

(Sparky stares down Jaylynn)

SCENE 16

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

(A bell rings, and it's time for the first contest)

JUSTIN ROBERTS: The following contest is scheduled for one fall.

("We Are One" by 12 Stones playing in the background)

Team captain Jaylynn is up first to bat, interestingly enough.

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Introducing first, representing the Masters of the Nexus, from Portland, Oregon, with a school average of 81.45%...JAYLYNN MICHELLE HUIE!

MICHAEL COLE: Well, ladies and gentlemen, interesting way to kick off War Games by having the girls' team captain in the opening matchup. And hello, ladies and gentlemen, I'm Michael Cole alongside my broadcast colleagues John "Bradshaw" Layfield and Jerry "The King" Lawler. We are currently doing commentary in the living room of the Jennings family. King, who do you have your money on here?

KING: Well, it all comes down to experience and KG has it, but you can't go wrong with Jaylynn. I mean, she is arguably one of the best pure wrestlers we're going to see here today.

JBL: I love the Nexus style, I always have and Jaylynn is such a fiery young girl in everything she does. You have to believe the boys are going to be in big trouble.

MICHAEL COLE: Well, it's also important to note that these two teams have had relatively different approaches to how they handled the training leading up to today. More on that later.

("Special Op" starts playing as KG enters by climbing over the neighbor's fence)

JUSTIN ROBERTS: And introducing her opponent, representing Testicular Shield Express, from Seattle, Washington, having just recently turned 14 years old...KG JENNINGS!

MICHAEL COLE: And ladies and gentlemen, that right there represents the different tactics of both teams as it pertains to War Games. KG on your screen there is a member of the boys. They move in silence and use teamwork, while the girls are more of a well-oiled machine, controlled by one force.

JBL: And that's why The Shield will go down in history as one of the greatest factions of all-time, Cole. You can never go wrong with an undeniably talented brotherhood like them.

KING: Indeed, JBL, but we're definitely going to have ourselves a close match here today.

JBL: And we should, because both of these teams are so evenly matched in every aspect. Strategy, camaraderie, wrestling ability. It all comes to a head today in Seattle.

(Jaylynn and KG stare each other down while smiling. The bell rings.)

MICHAEL COLE: And ladies and gentlemen, here we go. One fall matchup to get War Games underway, Jaylynn and KG squaring off here, and KG with the ferocity early on.

JBL: And that is what the Shield style represented. You come at your opponent and methodically destroy them throughout the contest. It's what KG has to do to have any shot against the team captain, no less.

MICHAEL COLE: And you see, this is what I've been trying to figure out this past week and it's made sense. Both of these teams have contrasting styles that they make work. The boys have been very tight-knit, planning strategy together, trying to gain the psychological upper hand. Meanwhile, the girls have been under Jaylynn's wing, learning from her as Jaylynn rolls through and gets a nearfall. Jaylynn has been effectively teaching the Masters as she has acted as the stern leader, a commander of respect.

(KG pushes the ref in front of Jaylynn and he is immediately disqualified)

REFEREE: Ring the bell!

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Here is your winner as a result of a disqualification...JAYLYNN MICHELE HUIE!

MICHAEL COLE: Well, I don't understand any of that.

KING: And apparently, neither does Jaylynn.

JBL: That was a stroke of genius by KG, bravo!

MICHAEL COLE: John, we...we just saw KG throw the match for the boys, how does that work?

JBL: Cole, this is what warfare is all about. Making sure your men are protected and strong. We knew we were going to get a brutal match so KG decided to sacrifice himself for later.

KING: So, the boys basically decided to end it early for their sake?

JBL: Exactly.

MICHAEL COLE: But it still doesn't...I mean, I can't process why. It just ends up benefiting Jaylynn and here we go. Jaylynn saw through the scheme and now the hunt's on for KG! Vintage Nexus!

(KG runs out of the house while both teams are confused while Jaylynn goes after him. She catches up and they start brawling on the street. At that point, Travis pulls up with his car and sees everything.)

TRAVIS: Yo, man, why have sex out in the open like that?

SCENE 17

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Bitch Clock is watching the events on TV as Buster is facing Halley in a sandwich-eating contest.)

SPARKY: There's still no sign of KG?

BITCH CLOCK: Nope. Neither him or Jaylynn are answering their phone. Where the hell did they go anyway?

SPARKY: Beats me.

KG throws Jaylynn into a fence and starts kicking her repeatedly in the stomach. He walks away from her for a breather near a junkyard, and eyes it cautiously. He walks inside and starts admiring all the old trucks and cranes and construction tools, but at that moment, Jaylynn comes in and throws him into a pile of giant lead pipes, knocking him out cold. Jaylynn then spits to the side and stares maniacally at one of the trucks.

MICHAEL COLE: And now Halley trying to dig down deep and get in her last few sandwiches. Look at the expression on her face as she struggles to catch up to Buster.

KING: Buster is closing in on the victory now for Testicular Shield Express!

JBL: Come on, Vidal, make it a contest again! Let's go Masters! Let's go Masters!

MICHAEL COLE: Halley's fading, she's fading now.

KING: No place to go!

(Halley gives up after eating too much)

MICHAEL COLE: It's over! IT'S OVER! THE BOYS ARE ON THE BOARD HERE TODAY!

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Here is your winner...BUSTER NEWMAN!

BUSTER: I did it, Mommy. I won the game. Do you love me now, Mommy?! CAN YOU LOOK AT ME IN THE FREAKING MOONLIGHT, MOMMY?!

SCENE 18

("This Means War" by Nickelback playing in the background)

A montage is shown of various wrestling matches and events between Testicular Shield Express and the Masters of the Nexus, including a bizarre one where Buster, RK, and Asil hop around wearing mime makeup while in a tub of chocolate pudding. Jaylynn and KG's junkyard fight continues. At one point, Jaylynn dives off a scaffolding trying to land a crossbody, but KG catches her. Getting crafty, he kisses her which disgusts her and then performs the Cesaro Swing using the rotating crane on an orange truck. KG checks his watch and runs to Sparky's house. Seconds later, Jaylynn notices his disappearance and decides to head to the house faster using a nearby car. The points pile up, and it's revealed that both teams have won nine events, with two more to go: The over-the-top rope battle royal and the elimination tag match.

In Sparky's living room...

SPARKY: Alright, team. We're doing great. All we need to do is win the next two matches and this day belongs to The Shield!

(The camera pulls back to reveal Wade as the only one there)

SPARKY: Man, this feels like a black party when the guests arrive on time.

(Wade shakes his head in disapproval)

SPARKY: Sorry. I just thought we had a full team.

WADE: I think Buster and RK are coming back from the tag team match.

BUSTER: I don't really see how it's my fault.

RK: Dude, if you made the tag when you were supposed to, I could have cleaned house, we hit the Double Powerbomb on Halley and we would have ten wins now.

BUSTER: So? We can just win the next two. It's fine.

RK: No, it's not. Buster, we have to stay on the same page here. The Shield was all about teamwork and brotherhood and loyalty.

BUSTER: Didn't Rollins turn on them?

RK: OK, he did, but The Shield represented something and we need to keep representing that thing for all our homies in the street.

BUSTER: You know, you're taking this way too seriously. Just because you have the big gut and the scowl, doesn't mean you're Bill Belichick.

RK: I'm not Belichick, you best believe I'm Bill Walsh. And it's kinda nice how my own friend is trying to sabotage the group.

BUSTER: I'm not!

SPARKY: You know, the Falcons might actually succeed and be an embarrassment at the same time this season, am I right?

RK: You know what? I can't do this. I'm not working with this asshole anymore, he's probably going to lose us more matches. And...(sighs) You know what? It's fine. I just need to get something to drink, relax until the next match comes.

SPARKY: Exactly. Just cool down. We're The Shield and we need to stay together.

WADE: BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD!

(Everybody stares at Wade blankly.)

WADE: What? I can't show some personality every now and then?

RK: Buster, I'm sorry about before and now I'm ready to go again. I mean, it's not like anyone's going to care about the match anyway.

(passing by with Halley) ASHLEY: How sad. We beat you guys.

(Ashley and Halley laugh as they go back to their locker room. RK is now livid.)

BUSTER: You're not OK anymore, are you?

RK: Hell no.

(The _Big Time Rush _theme song plays in the background as the camera zooms in on RK, seething with rage)

SCENE 19

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

SPARKY: You know what? I like the attitude, might help us win the battle royal.

RK: When we go out there, let me take care of Ashley and nobody else.

BUSTER: Sure thing, buddy.

(Buster steps a few feet away from RK)

BUSTER: I don't like the new RK, he scares me.

SPARKY: I'm kinda torn.

WADE: BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD!

(Wade yells it in Sparky's ear and he falls on the floor, confusing and angering him)

WADE: It was only funny the first time, wasn't it?

SPARKY: IF IT WASN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME YOU DID IT, WHY THE HELL WOULD IT BE FUNNY THE SECOND TIME?!

(KG breathes heavily as he walks inside)

KG: I'm here...for the Royal Rumble. I want my WrestleMania title shot.

RK: Bro, we're doing a team vs. team battle royal over the top rope.

KG: Oh. I'm still trying to get my faculties in order.

JAYLYNN: (Bleep), you beat me.

SCENE 20

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

The ten-man over-the-top rope battle royal is now being held. No one has been eliminated yet.

MICHAEL COLE: And of course, right now, both teams with nine wins apiece. A victory here will give each team huge momentum heading into the elimination tag match.

KING: Look out!

(Wade dumps Gilcania over the ropes)

JBL: That's what you call taking care of business!

MICHAEL COLE: And the boys with the first elimination as Wade gets rid of Gilcania.

Wade starts celebrating and dancing.

KING: Oh no, Wade! Don't turn around, you won't like the view!

(Jaylynn stalks Wade and hits him with a Brogue Kick, knocking him out of the ring)

MICHAEL COLE: And just like that, the score is one-all here in Seattle!

JBL: You gotta love Nexus, they come at you with everything they have.

Later on...

MICHAEL COLE: We are now down to four kids. Shield at a three-on-one disadvantage. The boys looking to get another victory. RK up against Jaylynn, Asil, and Ashley.

KING: If I were RK, all I could do is think about how to stay elusive and try to stay under that top rope.

JBL: This is no countouts, no disqualifications, guys. RK could do whatever he needs to to keep these girls down.

(RK slides under the ropes and gets a steel chair from under the ring)

MICHAEL COLE: And there's the equalizer! Shield was rolling with the first elimination but easily fell behind. Buster was the last member of the boys taken out, but RK has the chair, and here we go! RK going right at the girls!

(RK starts swinging the steel chair and blasts Jaylynn and Asil with shots)

JBL: RK's feeling it now!

MICHAEL COLE: RK is rolling here! He's rolling here!

(RK then picks up Jaylynn and throws her out. Interestingly enough, Ashley is nowhere to be seen.)

KING: And now the three-on-one match has become a two-on-one match.

MICHAEL COLE: That's the interesting thing about these elimination matches that make them so dangerous. It could easily turn into a handicap situation, whether it's in your favor or not.

KING: The numbers game can be friend or foe, there's no alliance with that.

JBL: Come on, RK, finish the job. Take out Asil!

MICHAEL COLE: RK trying to get the dead weight of Asil, up on his shoulders, AA perhaps over the top!

KING: This could be it!

At that moment, Ashley returns and RK drops Asil. RK tries to stop her, but he runs into a Spear.

MICHAEL COLE: SPEAR! ASHLEY'S STILL LEGAL!

KING: Oh no, don't tell me she's just going to throw him...

Ashley easily picks up RK and throws him over the ropes for the victory.

JBL: That's how you do it, Ashley! Nexus all the way!

MICHAEL COLE: And just like that, your destiny changes!

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Here are your winners, survivors from the Masters of the Nexus, Ashley Rodriguez and Asil MOUSA!

MICHAEL COLE: And for the second time in a row, RK has been compromised by Ashley Rodriguez.

KING: I mean, how can you top that ending? You want to talk about drama, we'll show you drama!

JBL: I was on the edge of my seat, I thought RK was staging his comeback.

MICHAEL COLE: The thing is, John, that's the Nexus way. Just when you think you have one beat, another comes in and takes you down without warning.

KING: Let's look at this one more time, I mean, RK was cleaning up with the steel chair and he got rid of Jaylynn even.

JBL: And I tell ya, Asil was moments away from getting taken out also.

MICHAEL COLE: But let's see here at the bottom right corner of the screen. Ashley disappeared during RK's frenzy and when she came back, there was no stopping her. Veteran move by Rodriguez. The same girl that finished off RK in the tag team match with Sweet Chin Music...connected with a Spear and picked up the victory for the Masters.

(RK returns to the ring during the post-match celebration, with a mic in his hand and the chair on the side)

RK: You know what? I hate to break up this little lovefest. But pardon me, what did you think, what did you think, you were the self-proclaimed future leader of the Masters? What are you, the standard bearer? You really think that's what you are? The hell with that. You know what? Let me ask you a question. Why...why have I already heard twice today that Ashley beat RK in the tag match? Why have I already heard that twice today that RK lost to Ashley in the tag match? Think about it for one second! Maybe it's because during that match, you took it upon yourself to steal my moment and superkick me. Now you've got...one hell of a finish, girl. I'm still seeing stars! Matter of fact, I feel like going to the back and burning down the place but I'm not, you know why? Because I'm here and I made a promise to myself. I made a promise to myself that if you stole...another...moment. If you got in my way again, then I was going to deal with you, that I was going to get my hands on you and that's why I...

(RK goes after Ashley and starts the assault but Asil gets in his way. RK hits Asil with an RKO and then starts unloading on Ashley, eventually throwing her out of the ring and blasting her with the chair.)

MICHAEL COLE: And RK Jennings has just snapped. This...vicious assault on Ashley here has sent him over the edge.

JBL: Can you blame him for this? Ashley got his number twice in a row, he had the battle royal won.

KING: Yeah, but John, even YOU have to admit he's taking it too far here.

JBL: I agree, but the intention makes perfect sense to me.

(RK attempts to punt Ashley in the skull.)

MICHAEL COLE: And oh no, not like this, RK. Attempting to use that punt kick that has taken out the likes of Mr. McMahon and Batista and Triple H and Shawn Michaels over the years.

KING: Wait a minute, the cavalry is coming!

MICHAEL COLE: NEXUS IS BACK! And RK wants a piece of them!

JBL: RK's standing his ground here, I like that style.

MICHAEL COLE: But oh no, the numbers game is too much. You had to have expected this. RK tried to take the fight to the girls, but you're talking about a four-on-one situation here.

JBL: THE SHIELD'S ARRIVED!

MICHAEL COLE: And the boys have come back. And here we go. We just saw this in the battle royal. We'll see it again tonight in the elimination tag match. Nexus and Shield, going toe-to-toe once again.

(RK measures Ashley, and turns her around for an RKO on the steel chair)

KING: LOOK OUT!

MICHAEL COLE: And RK with an emphatic statement to the girls. He has had it up to here and he just exploded at the end of this matchup.

(RK walks up the ramp while the boys leave and the girls check on Ashley)

JBL: We're going to have ourselves a fantastic elimination tag, won't we, fellas?

SCENE 21

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Locker Room

Seattle, Washington

ASHLEY: Ow, that really hurts!

JAYLYNN: What's the diagnosis, Asil?

ASIL: Her shoulder got hurt during the fight with RK. Like, legit. It happened when he swung the chair and it just caused all this pain there.

HALLEY: That's ridiculous. RK was supposed to stop when he realized he injured Ashley.

ASIL: He didn't know. No one did. There was no one present to see it.

ASHLEY: I'm going to really hurt RK.

GILCANIA: No, you rest up. The only person hurting him is me.

Meanwhile, in the house...

SPARKY: Alright, so who's getting in the ring first?

KG: Well, maybe I could start and then we...

(Gilcania comes at RK and starts throwing blows. The boys try to break it up.)

SPARKY: Hey, hey, hey! This is NOT part of the game, who got hurt?

GILCANIA: Ashley. Her shoulder is in pain and it's all your fault.

RK: She's going to compete, right?

GILCANIA: What do you think? This is why we don't let our emotions get the better of us.

RK: Well, I don't need you defending her.

JAYLYNN: RK, YOU'RE (BLEEP) DEAD!

RK: OK, she could defend her.

JAYLYNN: What the hell is your problem? You could have put Ashley in the hospital.

RK: Look, Ashley's my friend, I didn't mean to hurt her.

JAYLYNN: Well, you did and now we can't have a match.

BUSTER: Wait, what happened to Ashley?

JAYLYNN: I think she dislocated her shoulder when this clown went too hard on a frigging chair shot.

KG: RK, if we don't have an elimination tag, I'm puking into an empty Capri Sun pouch because of it.

WADE: How would that even be humanly possible?

GILCANIA: Look, RK, honey, this is all your fault! This whole day has been total shit!

JAYLYNN: You're telling ME. I wish we never had this stupid field day. I mean, Ashley's just a kid! Did you even think about what would happen if you swung the chair the wrong way? This is insane!

(The camera zooms in on a disappointed Sparky, and he goes upstairs. Halley sees it from the kitchen and decides to walk upstairs as well. Meanwhile, RK is arguing with Jaylynn and Gilcania. We are now right back to where the episode started: Sparky and Halley on the roof.)

SPARKY: Halley, I don't know what to do. I feel like this is all my fault. Who thought having you guys do War Games was a good idea?

HALLEY: Hey, up until the Ashley incident, we were doing just fine. This has been one of the most fun days I've had in a really long time and it's all because of you and Buster. This was a way better field day than that crap at the school. Things are going to work out, I know they will.

SPARKY: You really think so?

HALLEY: I know they will.

(At that moment, Sparky and Halley start kissing.)

SPARKY: Thanks, Hale. You know, you girls really proved yourselves today. I just wish everything would work out.

BUSTER: Hey Sparky, Halley, come downstairs. It's a War Games miracle!

SPARKY: What are you talking about, Buster?

BUSTER: Everybody's making peace down there. We might have our main event after all! Oh boy, I'm so excited, I could piss in my pants again!

(Buster goes back downstairs, and Sparky and Halley smile at each other)

SCENE 22

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Both Testicular Sound Express and the Masters of the Universe are in the room. RK, Jaylynn, Ashley, and Gilcania are in the center.

WADE: Now, when it comes down to a volatile situation like this, it's always important to reach an impasse. No more ill will, no more fighting. There's still the elimination tag and we have to keep all hostility inside the ring from this point forward. Is that clear?

EVERYBODY: Clear!

RK: Ashley, I'm sorry I went too far and almost broke your arm with the steel chair. I was so caught up in the competition and you beating me twice, I ended up hurting someone I love like a sister. I just hope we can still be friends.

ASHLEY: Sure, RK. I accept your apology. But seriously guys, it's just a field day, not the Hunger Games.

BUSTER: We know that now. Competition can make the beautiful people ugly.

JAYLYNN: And Gilcy and I are sorry for yelling at you and saying everything was your fault. We know you didn't mean to hurt Ashley and it was all an accident. We just wanted to defend her.

GILCANIA: Especially me.

RK: You know, you and I have never gotten along that well, have we?

GILCANIA: Never.

RK: But you know what? After tonight, I think it's time we bury the hatchet.

GILCANIA: You want to be friends?

RK: Sure, if you want to.

GILCANIA: I think I do.

(RK and Gilcania shake hands and then hug)

RK: But I still don't like Asil.

ASIL: Wait, what?

KG: LET'S FINISH THESE WAR GAMES, BABY!

SPARKY: YES, WITH THE ELIMINATION TAG!

JAYLYNN: Let's hit the locker room, girls.

(The Masters leave the house through the backyard)

ASIL: RK doesn't like me?

JAYLYNN: Dislike, hate, why put labels on things?

ASIL: Well, I guess I don't like him either.

JAYLYNN: Hater.

(Asil angrily stares at a nervous Jaylynn)

SCENE 23

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Cole, JBL, and Lawler are getting ready for the last match when the camera picks up a shadow)

MICHAEL COLE: Oh great, you're here! You ready to go? We were just about to commentate the 10-man elimination tag match.

SCENE 24

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Backyard

Seattle, Washington

(bell rings)

JUSTIN ROBERTS: The following contest is a 5-on-5 Traditional Survivor Series elimination tag team match. Two kids will start off the match. When you are pinned or forced to submit, you are eliminated. There are no countouts or disqualifications. And the first team to eliminate all members of the opposing team will be declared the winners.

MICHAEL COLE: And now, ladies and gentlemen, because of an injury Ashley Rodriguez suffered earlier on, there's been a little change to the stipulations here tonight. This is now a 5-on-4 elimination tag match, but in place of Ashley, the boys still have to score five eliminations.

KING: Meaning that if the boys pin Asil for instance, that's the first elimination but Asil is not eliminated yet. The boys get the first point but no one on the girls' team is eliminated until the second point.

JBL: They have champagne ready in the locker room for the Nexus. A win here and it's over!

JIM ROSS: But it's important to keep in mind, JBL, that if The Shield is victorious, it will be a draw and we may have sudden death.

MICHAEL COLE: Ladies and gentlemen, a special treat. Joining us for this match, WWE Hall of Famer "Good Ol' J.R.," Jim Ross.

JIM ROSS: Thank you Michael for the introduction and I have been carefully watching every contest here today, coming up with scouting reports if you will for each team. I know emotions are running high for this main event and it will be a shame to not have Ashley, but the slobberknocker must go on.

KING: Well said, J.R. Let's do this thing!

("We Are One" plays)

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Introducing the teams, first, led by Jaylynn Michelle Huie, THE MASTERS OF THE NEXUS!

MICHAEL COLE: And you can already tell, ladies and gentlemen, that for the Masters of the Nexus, they have serious work cut out for them here tonight. Already at a disadvantage because of the injuries suffered by Ashley Rodriguez but it looks they're ready to go to war regardless.

JBL: Michael, you can bet it will be a war tonight. That's what I love about this business. We're going to get the match of the year, no doubt. I can't wait!

JIM ROSS: I admire the explosive demeanor of captain Jaylynn. A very passionate, talented young woman. Also a master tactician when it comes to strategy and an intimidating presence to match. Keep your eyes on her tonight, ladies and gentlemen.

("Special Op" plays)

In standard Shield fashion, the boys use an elaborate entrance. A helicopter descends upon the stage and TSE exits it wearing coat vests and face masks.

JUSTIN ROBERTS: And introducing their opponents, led by Sparky MacDougal, TESTICULAR SHIELD EXPRESS!

JIM ROSS: My God, what an incredibly innovative entrance by the boys here tonight!

KING: Can you believe it? Look at Jaylynn's face, she's spellbound!

MICHAEL COLE: And that, my friends is what The Shield is all about. No-nonsense, all about business and teamwork and responsibility. We are witnessing five gifted performers enter the ring and here we go! No bell has rung, but the battle's on! Shield and Nexus can't keep their hands off each other, and now referee Mike Chioda calling for order.

JBL: And you could tell Nexus was not expecting that urgency so quickly from The Shield. So much tension and high stakes here tonight.

JIM ROSS: You want to talk about dominance, tenacity, style, and natural abilities all in one match? Look no further than what you see between those ropes. There will be no foul-ups or jitters here tonight, both teams know what the prize is.

MICHAEL COLE: Yup, the War Games Cup right outside the ring. And it looks like Wade Saltalamacchia will start off the matchup for the boys. And for the girls, you have the energetic Halley Vidal. Chioda calls for the bell, and here we go! We are underway here in Seattle!

("Unstoppable" by Charm City Devils playing in the background)

A montage is shown of the elimination tag match with commentary interspersed throughout. Halley goes for a Sharpshooter on Wade, but RK hits her with a boot to the face. Wade hits a Rock Bottom on Halley, but Jaylynn breaks it up. Both sides are cleared and it leads to a brawl on the outside. While Wade and Halley are down, Gilcania does an Undertaker-style suicide dive over the top rope and takes out both teams at once. Wade runs towards Halley, but she responds with a Meat Hook clothesline. After hitting Shell Shocked, she gets the cover and Wade's out.

MICHAEL COLE: And just like that, we have our first elimination.

JBL: Wade is once again the first boy out.

JIM ROSS: And Halley being aware of her surroundings and taking advantage of the confusion was a brilliant move on her part.

Sparky looks nauseous when he realizes that the girls are already on the board. He decides to get in the ring next and he stares down Halley.

MICHAEL COLE: And of course, these two are romantically involved.

KING: How do you go up against your girlfriend in a situation like this?

The two start off awkward, but begin to get more aggressive and put away their personal feelings. Sparky gets the upper hand and after getting the high knee in the corner, he hits a bulldog and goes for the cover.

MICHAEL COLE: Shoots the half, does he have her here?! No, a kickout at 2.

Sparky throws Halley into the girls' corner and Gilcy tags herself in. In response, Sparky tags in KG and the two go at it. Gilcania goes for a flying clothesline after nailing the first two, but KG responds with a Spear.

JIM ROSS: SPEAR! THIS COULD BE AN OPPORTUNITY!

KG then hits a Spinebuster and goes for a Batista Bomb, but Gilcania turns it around into a huracanrana. KG thinks about tagging in someone, but then walks into a chokeslam by Gilcy. She covers, KG, but then he kicks out. She then goes for a Tombstone Piledriver, but he counters it into his own. The boys run interference on the girls, and KG gets the cover. 1-1.

MICHAEL COLE: And the boys respond back with the first point!

KG decides to hit Gilcy with a Batista Bomb, and gets another cover. 2-1, Shield.

JIM ROSS: And my God, Jaylynn is having an out-of-body experience! It's once again a handicap situation.

KG tags in Buster, who goes up against Asil and it's almost a back-and-forth. Buster's crossbody is blocked by Asil who attempts a fallaway slam, but he turns it into a neckbreaker. He calls in Sparky and RK, who go for the Triple Powerbomb on Asil but Jaylynn runs interference and throws Sparky and RK out of the ring. Buster then hits her with a Stone Cold Stunner and she's out. Asil stalks Buster and hits a Codebreaker. She then climbs to the top for a 450° Splash...

MICHAEL COLE: The exclamation point to Buster Newman.

KING: High risk, high reward!

...but KG throws her off and she goes flying onto the canvas. KG keeps Halley at bay by giving her a Spinebuster on the floor. He then takes out a wooden table and hits the Batista Bomb on it, incapacitating Halley for the time being.

JIM ROSS: GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THAT COULD KILL A HUMAN BEING!

JBL: KG has no sense of compassion here and I love every piece of it.

KING: Bradshaw!

MICHAEL COLE: But is that enough? Buster stalking Asil, locks in the Yes! Lock, it could be lights out for Asil!

KING: He's got it!

JIM ROSS: That dangerous submission hold has Asil right where Buster wants her. And I tell you, I think that's it for Ms. Mousa here tonight.

JBL: Get busy, Asil, fight through!

MICHAEL COLE: Chioda checking Asil, that Yes! Lock is on tighter, she's losing the fight now!

JIM ROSS: FADING! SHE'S FADING, ASIL CAN'T TAKE IT!

KING: Oh man!

Asil then taps out. 3-1, Shield.

MICHAEL COLE: And Asil Mousa, see ya bye. 3-1 is our score in favor of the boys, they're rolling here.

Jaylynn comes at that very moment with a Curb Stomp on Buster, and then Wasteland. ONE! TWO! THREE! 3-2, Shield.

MICHAEL COLE: AND JAYLYNN TAKES OUT BUSTER...IN CONVINCING FASHION!

JIM ROSS: I think Jaylynn has just realized what's happened here. This is essentially a 3-on-1 situation. Halley is out cold for the time being, the first point was scored, Asil and Gilcania have been eliminated. There is almost no place to go for Jaylynn as fate would have it.

KING: That's when you buckle down and step up, carry the load like all the great leaders have.

JBL: Well, it looks like Jaylynn is confident enough, she just took out Buster with ease.

MICHAEL COLE: And look at that stare. That icy stare Jaylynn is giving to Sparky and the Jennings brothers. She is not going to stop until every member of Testicular Shield Express has been compromised. This is how bad Jaylynn wants to win for the Nexus.

("Live for the Moment" by Monster Magnet playing in the background)

RK gets in the ring with Jaylynn and the action is hot and heavy. RK goes for a Pedigree, but Jaylynn blocks it and hits a Busaiku Knee Kick. She goes for the cover, but RK kicks out at two. Jaylynn then hits a spinout powerbomb, a diving elbow off the top rope, and the Bull Hammer.

MICHAEL COLE: Oh, that's gotta be it.

Surprisingly, RK kicks out again at two. Jaylynn, Sparky, and KG are all shocked.

MICHAEL COLE: No way! You gotta be kidding me! YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

JIM ROSS: MY GOD, RK STAYS IN THIS MATCHUP! An inhuman performance out of this nine-year-old right here.

Jaylynn then gets a steel chair and starts punishing RK with it, unrelenting with each and every shot.

MICHAEL COLE: Shades of what RK did to Ashley earlier on after the battle royal.

KING: This is...this is hard to watch.

JIM ROSS: We are witnessing the psychological impact that War Games can have on a person's state of mind. You walk into the dungeon, and you leave a completely different person. Ladies and gentlemen, you are seeing right here how animalistic these events can make a human being.

KING: RK has to have no idea where he is right now.

MICHAEL COLE: This is a...remorseless, sickening assault at the hands of Jaylynn here.

JBL: I want RK to do this, he needs to fight.

KING: Bradshaw, how much more can he take? It's over.

MICHAEL COLE: Jaylynn's just at the point of no return.

JIM ROSS: And I think she's about to make it all pay off.

Jaylynn goes for the cover, but RK again kicks out at two. The camera zooms in on Jaylynn's look of utter disbelief.

JIM ROSS: WHAT DID I JUST SEE?! TELL ME WHAT I JUST SAW HERE TONIGHT!

KING: You saw a fighter still in there!

JBL: I knew RK was not down for the count! That's it right there! Jaylynn, teach him how to stay down!

MICHAEL COLE: The heart and soul of Ryan Kennedy Jennings...is just unbelievable...HELL'S GATE!

KING: HELL'S GATE!

RK caught Jaylynn in a modified gogoplata, better known as Hell's Gate.

JIM ROSS: THE SUBMISSION MANEUVER IS IN! Jaylynn is flopping right now!

JBL: No place to go for Jaylynn, I think she's starting to cave!

MICHAEL COLE: Tap out, Jaylynn! Tap out! Tap out!

KING: It's emotional right now!

("We Are One" starts playing and RK releases the hold. Ashley returns with a lead pipe to the shock of the boys. KG goes after Ashley, but she hits him in the stomach with the pipe. Sparky also gets blasted in the head with it, and Ashley then stares down RK. RK goes for an attack, but Ashley hits him in the skull with the pipe. She then draws an N in the air and leaves while Jaylynn successfully gets the pinfall. 3-3.

MICHAEL COLE: And Ashley Rodriguez has turned the tide for the Nexus!

JIM ROSS: Unbelievable, Ashley coming in with the pipe and stomping a mudhole in the boys.

At this point, Halley has gotten herself back up. KG comes in next, but the pipe shot weakened him and he ends up getting roundhouse kicked in the chest. Jaylynn then hits a Curb Stomp and gets the cover. 4-3, Nexus.

MICHAEL COLE: And the Masters of the Nexus went from a 3-1 deficit to one kid away from closing things out.

JBL: Sparky is damn near out cold. Jaylynn needs to pull the Mariano Rivera and get the save.

KING: Man, look at Halley. Smiling knowing Nexus is going home with the win tonight.

JIM ROSS: The girls have benefited from Jaylynn's leadership as she has controlled the pace of this matchup for the longest time. And now, Sparky is ripe for the picking.

MICHAEL COLE: And now Jaylynn's picking up Sparky's dead weight. Looking to finish off The Shield and win the War Games Cup.

JBL: Jaylynn Michelle Huie will go down in the annals of history as one of the greatest leaders of all-time.

(Jaylynn gets a chair and asks Halley to get another. She does, and then gets tagged in. Halley places a chair in front of Sparky's face while he's down, and prepares to hit him in the back of the head with another chair, better known as the Con-Chair-To.)

JIM ROSS: The Con-Chair-To about to connect with Sparky's head. And Halley's ready to take a home run shot for the Masters of the Nexus.

MICHAEL COLE: The final exclamation point for the girls. An emphatic statement sent here tonight.

KING: Steel Chair City!

(Halley turns on Jaylynn and hits her in the head with the chair. She then stares down at Jaylynn with coldness and takes off her Nexus armband. Halley then tells the referee she's out and walks to the back. 4-4.)

JIM ROSS: OH MY GOD! YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING HERE! HALLEY HAS STABBED HER TEAMMATE IN THE BACK!

JBL: They were on top of the world, why do this?

MICHAEL COLE: Halley Vidal has just committed the ultimate act of treason.

KING: I guess the love of her boyfriend was more important.

JIM ROSS: You're telling me, that after one of the best performances we've seen in so long, you want to go ahead and do that to your teammate? I'm disgusted.

MICHAEL COLE: Yeah, but J.R., Halley took herself out. It's tied up at 4. And now Sparky, locking in the STF on Jaylynn. Unaware of what's transpired here over the last couple of minutes. Moment of truth time here in Seattle!

JBL: Jaylynn needs to dig down deep, find a way out of this.

JIM ROSS: SPARKY TRYING TO FINISH OFF JAYLYNN! SHE'S FADING! SLOWLY BUT SURELY FADING!

KING: Jaylynn can't take solace anywhere now, she's in deep trouble!

JBL: Tap out, Jaylynn, tap out, come on now!

MICHAEL COLE: STF time. Jaylynn with no answer. It's over!

Jaylynn has no choice but to tap out to the STF. 5-4, Shield.

JIM ROSS: THE TAP AND IT'S DONE! THE SHIELD WINS! SHIELD WINS!

JUSTIN ROBERTS: Here are your winners, representing Testicular Shield Express, SPARKY MACDOUGAL!

JIM ROSS: FROM RENEGADES TO CHAMPIONS! FROM REBELS TO ICONS! THE BOYS HAVE DONE IT!

MICHAEL COLE: Testicular Shield Express came in here with a plan to win the elimination tag match and they did exactly that. No Nexus celebration tonight!

JBL: What did I say? I told you all along the boys were too much for the girls to handle! It was exactly like I said!

KING: JBL, you switch more sides than Benedict Arnold's offspring.

MICHAEL COLE: You could see the replay here. Halley had the perfect moment to strike and finish off the boys, but she instead decided to take out her own teammate Jaylynn with that vicious chair shot.

KING: And then watch this, the STF locked in, Jaylynn in trouble and she had no answer for Sparky.

JIM ROSS: And now, let's take a look at the in-ring celebration. Sparky being the sole survivor and the boys standing tall with the last victory of the night.

MICHAEL COLE: For all of us here tonight, I'm Michael Cole saying good night from Seattle!

(The following black screen reads: "After the elimination tag match, there was no sudden death. Both teams agreed that everyone was a winner, even though RK called it a bait and switch. Will War Games make a return next year? Could be...")

("Can't Knock the Hustle" by Jay-Z featuring Mary J. Blige playing in the end credits)

©2014 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS


	2. The Field Day from Hell Backstage Pass

PRODUCTION/CULTURAL REFERENCES _(written on 12/11/14)_

-OK, I was mulling over how to explain this because...geez, this episode needs a lot of explaining, I know. The problem is, unlike other episodes, I'm not coming in here ready to go and knowing exactly what I'm going to say. Still, the job must be done.

-This was one of the original concepts I came up with when planning the third season in April/May. I had field day when I was in elementary school, but it was definitely never bad. Field day was always fun, as we went to Seaview Park here in Brooklyn with the other classes in our grade, bought slushies and played lots of cool games. I was always upset when the day was over, and that's what I was trying to tap into for "The Field Day from Hell". How could I take something as simple as kids playing outside and turn it into the most epic thing you have ever witnessed? There are key differences between that one and the finished project. For one, "The Field Day from Hell" was initially going to have five other characters (Sanna, Adriana, Anna, Lynne, and an undetermined fifth character) form a team to go up against Testicular Sound Express and the Masters of the Universe. I tried doing that, and the episode ended up being overstuffed so I decided to just keep it 5-on-5. Plus, I would have treated the other five like afterthoughts and at one point, even have one of the characters acknowledge it entirely.

-The WWE influence was heavy, as this episode not only features the three commentators currently working with the company (Cole, JBL, Lawler), a former ring announcer (Roberts) and the legendary J.R., but there's also a large number of references to WWE and various wrestling maneuvers. I always wanted to write an episode like this, but was never able to. The first attempt was "Welcome to the World," a WrestleMania two-parter that would have aired in the first season. That didn't work out too well so I tried again the following season and that didn't work either. I feel like with me doing Super Bowl episodes (and yes, it is now an annual tradition), the WrestleMania ones just come off as redundant. This is not Justin Roberts' first appearance on the show, but it is for Cole, JBL, Lawler, and Ross. I'm glad I was able to finally make this episode.

-The whole Shield/Nexus thing wasn't originally planned, even when it was time to write the episode. I hit upon that idea while coming home from school. Since this episode had a WWE theme, why not take the idea as far as I could go with it? Testicular Shield Express, rolls off the tongue.

-There were really no protagonists or antagonists here. You could root for the boys or the girls, doesn't matter. The key was that both teams act like faces (good guys) and heels (bad guys) so you could cheer for whoever you wanted. This episode is also important because it is the very first time the show focuses on the two groups meeting each other. I wanted to write an episode like that because I realized the two groups had never crossed paths before on this type of level. The original ending had Testicular Sound Express winning sudden death by having Sparky make Jaylynn tap out, but I decided to leave it at the elimination tag. In the end, both teams win in some way and you're left deciding for yourself who deserved to win. I didn't really have a reason for making the boys win sudden death, it was just something I would have gone with because it was weird to me having Nexus win.

-The junkyard fight between Jaylynn and KG was initially going to be longer and have its own personal scene but I decided to change it to move the plot forward. This is also, as I already explained, why War Games was just 5-on-5 instead of 5-on-5-on-5.

-The episode was supposed to originally air this past Sunday, but I decided to hold off because it wasn't ready yet and I had more to write than I thought. It's a good thing too because I don't think I would have been satisfied with an unfinished business-type episode anyway. "The Field Day from Hell" is actually almost as long as the 45-minute Halloween special "The Life and Times of Diana Katanova" despite being a regular episode. I didn't plan this, it just ended up being longer because the plot needed it. Treat this as a regular episode in spite of the length. I know it's confusing, but still, it's not about what the episode ends up being in this case. It's about what it's supposed to be presented as. It's also interesting because episodes like "The Field Day from Hell" represent how much the show has changed in the last two years. In the first season, 8,000-10,000 word episodes would be a rare occurrence.

-This is a visual episode. What I mean by that is while it can be fun to read, it's the type of episode you would fully appreciate if it was on television. The whole point of being on FanFiction is to give the most authentic experience I can in spite of the restrictions of a script only. Episodes like "The Field Day from Hell" take a cinematic, elaborate approach because of their concepts. An upcoming visual episode is "Illegal Business" next month. Or should I say, potentially upcoming visual episode. "Illegal Business" will air on January 18 as the midseason premiere of season three, if nothing changes between now and then.

-I don't usually say this because I never like to look at my work as genius or unbelievably amazing (at the risk of sounding like I'm the greatest writer of all-time), but "The Field Day from Hell" is actually one of my favorite episodes and one I consider to be in a top ten list of best _Thank You, Heavenly _episodes so far. I really adore this episode. I realized this while writing it, just because of how much fun I had doing the WWE thing and having even the more "sacred" characters (like Ashley) join in on the madness and embrace it. So far this season, I have four personal standouts: "Slice of Fantastica (Part I)," "Slice of Fantastica (Part II)," "The Life and Times of Diana Katanova," and this one. I'm definitely considering writing a sequel if the fourth season ends up happening.

-For the commentators' lines, I had to make sure I had their mannerisms and personalities down cold. Having seen so much wrestling over the past six years, I wanted to really capture their essence, Cole and Ross in particular.

-There was initially going to be a Big Television Debate during the Segway Segment (Sparky, Buster, and Jaylynn debate the _Simpsons _episode "Homer's Enemy") but the episode was already running too long and more time had to be focused on the plot. This debate will be in the completed "Positive Rein-dunce-ment" on Sunday.

-Just so you know, I didn't envision the episode becoming what it did. It's kinda like how "Rapture's Delight" (_American Dad_) started off relatively normal and just grew in insanity as it progressed.

-When RK asked the slushy vendor that he better recognize what he's doing ASAP, it was a reference to the YouTube video from a few years back where a man calling himself "Bloody Loco" repeatedly heckled another man sitting across from him on a New York City train.

-Wade is no longer a member of the Five Percent Nation, for those at home who look into those things. After "The Wade Crusade," I was planning to go somewhere with his new religious views but nothing really panned out. That's the inspiration behind his meta-joke.

-RK made a reference to the season three _Fresh Prince of Bel-Air _episode "Just Say Yo" where Carlton goes to the hospital after taking speed pills from Will's locker, believing they were vitamins. RK was imitating Will during his confession to Uncle Phil and the family, with his classic line "Those pills that Carlton took...they were from my locker."

-After hearing Nick Jonas' new album, I knew his songs had to be featured on _Thank You, Heavenly. _It was just a matter of when. Well, after this, you can cross "Teacher" off your list. The key was to use a song that most people weren't already aware of. Like, it would be too obvious to use "Jealous" at this point. If you haven't listened to the album yet, please do yourself a favor and give it a spin. "Teacher" is one of my personal favorites and brings back the funk pop Michael Jackson popularized on _Bad_.

-Mookie is only around for a quick gag. The joke is that no one ever knows or cares why he's there and dismiss him entirely.

-Jaylynn momentarily forgetting who Gilcania is is of course, a meta-joke poking fun at her lack of screen time compared to the other four members of the Masters of the Universe.

-The Nexus-style beatdowns ending with Wasteland and the 450° splash are references to the attacks Nexus would make where group leader Wade Barrett would hit Wasteland, and then Justin Gabriel would go up to the top turnbuckle for the splash.

-Michael Cole intentionally saying TLC: Tables, Ladders, Chairs, and Stairs instead of War Games is a reference to the fact that WWE's next pay-per-view is this exact one. In fact, the event is scheduled for this Sunday. A new concept called the Stairs Match has been invented. It's just like the Chairs Match, only just as lazy if not more so.

-Sparky called Jaylynn "Barrett" in reference to Nexus leader Wade Barrett. Jaylynn called Sparky "Ambrose" in reference to Shield member Dean Ambrose.

-The Wyatt Family is another well-known group in the WWE. Actually, the group debuted last summer and disbanded not too long ago.

-When RK interrupted Ashley and Asil's post-match celebration, he cut a promo extremely similar to the one Randy Orton cut on Seth Rollins on the October 27, 2014 edition of _Monday Night RAW._

-RK's hatred for Asil is going to be addressed once and for all in the episode "Chuck E. Chocolate's." Set to air on December 28, the main plot revolves around Asil's tenth birthday party.

-The boys' helicopter entrance for the elimination tag was a reference to the April 22, 2013 edition of _Monday Night RAW _in London. The Shield was competing in a six-man tag team match that night against then-WWE Tag Team Champions Team Hell No (Daniel Bryan and Kane) and The Undertaker. They arrived to the O2 Arena by helicopter.

-The elimination tag match was a little nod to the 14-man elimination tag match at SummerSlam in 2010 between the John Cena-led Team WWE and Nexus. It was also meant to poke fun at and mock high stakes main events that wrestling is known to have. Because both teams are faces and heels at the same time, the match has a black and grey morality. For instance, Ashley assaulting KG, Sparky, and RK with the pipe is wrong because she's interfering in the match, but also right because she's getting retribution for the steel chair attack from before.

-Halley turning on Jaylynn was planned before I got to that scene. It's also a reference to the 2009 Royal Rumble, where Matt Hardy turned on his brother Jeff and cost him the WWE Championship by hitting him in the head with a steel chair.

-Sparky being hit in the head with a pipe and locking in the STF minutes later for the win is another reference to that 14-man match at SummerSlam. During the match, Cena was the last man left for Team WWE and was given a DDT on the exposed concrete floor. Despite this, Cena was able to avoid the 450° splash, finish off Gabriel and then later make Barrett tap out.

-Jim Ross' line at Armageddon 2008, which was on Jeff Hardy winning the WWE Championship for the first time: "FROM DAREDEVIL TO CHAMPION! FROM ENIGMA TO ICON!" It was adapted for this scene.


End file.
